And the time has come ….

I wish that I could explain to you how much you mean to me. I was a different person before we met….
Not that I did not kept my independence … but … I got used with accepting the fact that once in while … even I need to know someone beside me …whom I can lean on and count …

I wish I could tell you how much I love you. But there just aren’t words, are there? The friendship we have is the kind that only comes so rare in a lifetime ….
Apeared suddenly , unexpected … started with a smile … Oh , I so wished I would’ve never smiled to you that time …. If only I would’ve known that my stupid smile would make me cry later in time … you have my word I would’ve not even look at you , nor speaking about smiling .
I probably thought that it’ll be just another friendly face I’m winning over .
God damn it !
It was one of a kind friend !!!!
Been through all kind of phases in this relative short but intense period … from joy and hapiness till tears and sadness …
Shared the feelings one around eachother … reached a hand one to eachother …. had a certain specific language …

Words … don’t come easy to me … an you *&*&^ know it …. Oh ! But …..feelings does . And is so damn scary and sad when they come in cascade , like now ….
I told someone no too long ago that I would’ve wish not to have feelings , not to feel anything in certain moments …. The person said is not that good . Oh … God knows is so good sometimes , and this is one of those times ….

I wish you nothing but the best in your new life. It’s *&*&* strange knowing that I won’t see you every day …. I genuinely hope that you find all the happiness you deserve….
But I’m scared. I know it’s selfish, but I need to know you’re around , somewhere … And I would like to know you need me too . I don’t want to think that you could find someone else to pass the time with , just like we used to do , in your new life.

You said I gaved you the best Christmas … I’d say you gaved me some of the best time !
Your friendship means so much to me… I would like to think that I’m irreplaceable to you, and that there isn’t another person who could take my place in your life. But I’ve never thought that highly of myself…. So …. I take back the last phrase …

Please don’t replace me… Please remember to call me whenever you can… I’ll always answer, and I’ll always be there for you. No matter what happens.

I love you to the moon and back , kiddo !

All my love,

Your broken hearted friend ….

Love letters

Wordless love letters …

Excuse me , Mrs …. your soul is opened !

Excuse me , Mrs , your soul has just opened itself ! I hope there’s nothing missing out of it , please check it ! In this crowded tram , that’s leading us to eternity , you may never know if there are thieves around …. The bastards are stealing , Mrs ! They steal … They steal smiles , and … tears , memories … anything .

Excuse me , Mrs …. I can see the word’s embroidery under your skirt … To be honest , I’ve noticed it since I hoped into the tram , but I was ashamed to tell you . You know how it feels like … Oh , but … that’s ok … I’ll take your place when you will strangle your heart , again , with that belt of silence … That’s it … is perfect now … nothing can be seen … unless the dark grey colour of that non historical day ….

Excuse me , Sire … the bottom end of your respectability is broken and is hanging a little bit out of place … No , I really don’t think your girlfriend noticed it . For her …. you’re rather … invisible . But … as I was standing … without doing anything … I’ve noticed couple light spots … shining in your eyes . Do you mind if I’m walking with you couple stops more , while telling you about myself ? !

Excuse me , people ! I’m travelling among you … sluttish … without wearing an uniform … having a disturbed thirst of life …Am feeling an unusual happiness when watching your faces , meticulously and correctly framed …
Excuse me … I think I am in a frame shop , or maybe … in a dusty attick with old frames …

What ??!!! A … tram ??!!! Driver , STOP !!! I want to get out of it !

Wishing … not to wish ( part 1 )

Searching , searching and again …. searching . We’re eager to find solutions , we want as many informations , we ask more questions . Oh , Lord ! Aren’t we tired yet ?!
How long will it take us to understand that’s not what is all about ?!
Ok … Let’s imagine we have the answers . And now ?! What’s next ? What are we going to do with those answers ?!

The main reasons we’re trying to find out those answers is that … we have the feeling that … those answers will set us free .
Many times , imagination offers us a certain form , form transposed and exposed as being the solution we’re looking for a certain problem .
We still have the ( false ) impresion that showing desire is the best for us . Oh , such kids we are !!!

Desire comes from lack of having it …. and lack of it , comes from the perception of possesion … and … perception of possesion comes from the perspective of separating yourself of what you want to have .
If you can see yourself as being separated from your dream , than your dream will simply remain just a dream positioned in time and space as being there , than . But … you’re here and … now , right in this moment . So … here’s how the separation begins already .

If we’re going to make a trip in our whole existential self , we’ll realise that …. in the moment the desire appears , the desired element is seen as a separate element from the one that’s wanting it . This is perception when desire appears .
And …. perception creates reality , via : thought , sentiment , vibration .

You’re already in that cage !

You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to eachother, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.

Don’t worry , you will … someday

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once…and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember… to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. Don’t worry… you will someday.

I don’t want to be an ant

Woman : ( hits the man accidentally ) Excuse me .

Man      :  Excuse …Me !

Woman : Hey. Could we do that again? I know we haven’t met, but I don’t want to be an ant. You know? I mean, it’s like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner. “Here’s your change.” “Paper or plastic?’ “Credit or debit?” “You want ketchup with that?” I don’t want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don’t want to give that up. I don’t want to be ant, you know?

Jesus to a child

Kindness In your eyes
I guess You heard me cry
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child
I’m blessed I know
Heaven sent And Heaven stole
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

And what have I learned
From all this pain
I thought I’d never feel the same
About anyone
Or anything again
But now I know
When you find love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you on those cold, cold nights

When you’ve been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you when there’s no hope in sight

Sadness In my eyes
No one guessed
Or no one tried
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

Loveless and cold
With your last breath
You saved my soul
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

And what have I learned
From all these tears
I’ve waited for you all those years
And just when it began
He took your love away

But I still say
When you find love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you on those cold, cold nights
When you’ve been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you when there’s no hope in sight

So the words you could not say
I’ll sing them for you
And the love we would have made
I’ll make it for two
For every single memory
Has become a part of me
You will always be My love

Well I’ve been loved
So I know just what love is
And the lover that I kissed
Is always by my side
Oh the lover I still miss
Was Jesus to a child……..

Caramel

It won’t do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long for you.
It won’t do
to stir a deep desire,
to fan a hidden fire
that can never burn true.
I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;
But I don’t know
how I would live with myself,
what I’d forgive of myself
if you don’t go.
So goodbye,
sweet appetite,
no single bite
could satisfy…
I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;
But I don’t know
how I would live with myself
what I would give of myself,
if you don’t go.
It won’t do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long
for you……

It won’t do … to think of cinnamon …

Sweets on a plate …Thoughts on paper …Taking and leaving … Holding back and moving forward …

Have you ever found yourself with an urge for something …sweet ?! Than …suddenly … out of the blue ( when you apparently lost your appetite for sweets ) you have your desired … sweets on the plate in front of you and … you just hold back without even tasting it , not speaking about eating eat ….

YOU know why you’re just staying there craving after it , although not even touch it …

You just know : no single bite could satisfy …. You’ll just want more and more and ….some more again …you’ll want it all … And when you know that you’re not allowed to eat it entirely … you just …hold back … you don’t even …taste it … I mean …what’s the use ? Just fool yourself with a bite so than you suddenly have to stop eating it ?!